I Wish I were Home, in the Truest Sense

Someone asked me why did I stop writing in my blog. Well, I think I've said it before but when a writer receives no feedback, no response, no COMMENTS; a writer will sooner or later quit writing. This only applies to writing in a public place like lets say, an online blog.

Okay, anyhow, its rather difficult to write on blogs ne? It's because usually when I'm enthusiastic about something and want to write on it, I grab a piece of paper (which I usually have whenever I'm in a writing mood) and pencil and start scribbling. When I finally go home or find a free terminal at the computer lab, the initial tidal wave of ideas just isn't there anymore and the will and happiness of writing (this isn't even writing, it is typing for heaven's sake) has gone.

Yesterday, a Monday, marks the ninth week of my course. Only another few more weeks to go. Then I'm going to have a long semester break because my course lacks a short semester. I'm not going to be shopping, lounging or playing the PS2 the whole time either. Work? It's a form of work I'm hoping for, correct, but I don't get paid for it. Go on, I know you want to do it. Label it as free labour.

Anyhow, lately I've noticed that my first impressions have been quite accurate, especially in regard to people I know from start I'd have to deal with a lot in the future (future = now). I won't say who. Hell, if they read this, they'll know who they are.

University, is a surprise. I expected some things and anticipated others. But right now, having had gone through so many weeks here, those same things, almost all of it were wrong! Where I expected university students to be matured and more proactive, my people seem to be rather...well, the exact thing I rather dislike.

See, I've been an activity-active person since young. I am lucky to have arrived at a secondary school that provided me with oppurtunities to experience so many kinds of competitions and activities, with great teachers to guide us and wonderful students who were all brought up in the same environment, hence making them and me all proactive people. Hands on. Nitty-gritty.

We made waterfalls and fountains, we painted huge murals, we planted over fifty kinds of herbs, identified them and cared for them, we did dramas, we created props, arrange lighting, seeked out music. We had a dedicated website team, each one now efficient in various graphical and animation programs. We had trips to Langkawi, Pangkor...climbed a real mountain, lived in forests on our own. We've experienced the school winning national level competitions where our beloved headmistress met the Prime Minister.

There was never a time we were not involved in some activity or another. We tried so many things. It did not matter too much whether we won or not if it were a competition (but usually we get placings anyway). The most important was what we learned from it. The strong bonds we created through it. The beautiful, beautiful memories we now have.

I expected all this to continue in college. And everything would rise to greater scales. But somehow, students seem less inclined to do anything but study. They aren't enthusiastic about anything else. The college imposes so much redtape and rules and regulations and bureaucracy on the students that it is impossible to do anything without putting up a real fight! And aren't we smart to already make the students sign and agree to never hold protests and petitions and everything. Worst were the student body who are so timid, scared and only dreaming big but refusing to get low and do work or something.

Alright, college experience, while fun, was not as exciting nor did it teach me anything new. In fact, the only thing I gleaned from it was that Malaysians are too academic-minded. There is no importance stressed on our extra-curricular activities.

Then it is university. The same situation I experienced in college has returned. I am disappointed. Everyone is eating each other up. Nobody pauses to look at the flowers. It is everyone for themselves. It is almost scary to see how cold we have become. And what I can't stand is the inability of students, to still not be able to do things for themselves. Everyone's just waiting for someone else to lead them and that same person has no idea themselves!

This is such a sad situation.

I realise that in secondary school, my teachers did not guide me and my friends either. They pushed us. What we wanted to do, they would support. What we did not know how to do, they would help. And we, my friends and I, we are all able to take charge of situations. We are able to do things. We have been doing it all this time!

I believe that academics is only half of what's important in anybody's life. Moral values, strong and good character traits, a sense of justice, a will to do things, and most importantly, a dream that we should stick to. I hate the academic system here. I am lucky to have went to a secondary school that somehow managed to shield us from the awful coldness of the system in reality. For in technical terms, the system is said to be very good and well-balanced.

We praise the Western countries. We praise them, emulate them, dream about them. Why can't we see that what makes them good is that they are actually practicing the system as they say it? I am talking about the way they educate their children. To be proactive. To encourage them in whatever they wish to do, be it music, drama, atheletics. Do not follow the rules to rigidly. When a student appears with potential, don't weight them down with formalities. It can be done.

And here I am, thrown into that same cold, unfeeling world I have despised. I can handle it but that does not mean I have to like it. This world, will leave no mark on me. I will leave with only a degree and nothing more. We are, puppets.

I however, will always have the warm feelings, memories and bonds from my past. Those are real. They are things I will always remember.